First Day Of Tamoxifen

Tamoxifen.

Anyone else get to take this fun and exciting small white pill?

I feel like Alice staring at the little bottle, unsure as to what’s about to happen to me. Let me back up. As my prevention plan moving forward, I get to take this hormone therapy pill for the next 5-10 years. That’s right. For that long. This pill will not throw me into menopause, but it does come with a bevvy of potential side effects that are making it really hard for me to take the first one. Side effects like extreme hot flashes, exhaustion, weight gain, joint pain and apparently the list goes on. Now I’m obviously very up to date on my breast cancer support Facebook group and thus I’ve read all the Tam horror stories. I try to keep in mind that people only post when things are bad, but oy is it hard to keep that in mind all the time.

This pill will block the estrogen from creating new cancer cells on the off chance a very small unseen cancer monster has made its way from my breast to another part of my body. It’s totally possible, there are no more cancer cells and this pill is for naught. Or it’s possible it will save me from the 5% chance of recurrence I do have based on some score I received. Worth taking it? Who knows.

It’s literally sitting in front me right now. It’s small. It makes me want to cry. I took birth control for 10 years and after I stopped, I vowed never to put anything in my body again that I didn’t have to. Well I guess this falls under the “have to” category.

But ok, is anyone else sort of convinced it’s all a scam of the drug companies and the insurance companies to make more money???? OR does this pill really work? And which freaking authority figure are you supposed to trust in this instance???

Then there’s the other side of the coin that says, 5 or 6 years ago the research would have suggested I receive a round of chemo. And now, they know that’s not effective for my type of cancer so all I have to do is take a pill instead. I’m just basically scared shitless all around.

On the other hand, I’m so thankful this is happening to me and not to one of my children. And for them, I will literally do anything.

Ok, here goes. First day of 10 years.